What a tortoise can teach you

 
The first thing you have to know about Tortoises is that they can go on a “tortoise rampage”. You never know what prompts it. They just get angry about something. I just spent 3 hours battling my tortoise.

Our Sulcata Tortoise Named Bump

Bump is a 15-year-old sulcata tortoise we rescued from the LA Shelter. He now weighs 67 pounds.

Sulcata Tortoise
Gator as a puppy and Bump as a younger smaller tortoise. He’s huge now.

Today Bump decided that he HAD to fit inside the smaller hut belonging to our other tortoise. Bump can’t fit through the opening (designed just so he couldn’t bully the other tortoise).

He got his front half in and got stuck. His very loud grunts got our attention from inside the house. We pulled him out, requiring a good 20 minutes of heaving.

I figured he wouldn’t think it was worth a second try. Wrong!

So I went out and tried to distract him. I gave him a treasure hunt of luscious organic carrots and zucchini. He hunted for 45 minutes, devoured them and returned to bashing his head against the hut.

I tried rose petals in his hut, butternut squash on a stick, and a second treasure hunt. Why is this tortoise not tired already?

A Battle of the Wills Ensues

I’m beginning to get battle weary. So I move the other tortoise (who is pinned to the back of the hut) to another part of the yard. An empty hut surely wouldn’t be worth head trauma? Wrong again. I hear some more horrible grunts and Bump has now gotten half of his body into the hut. This time it takes two humans to pull him out.

I’m desperate now to resolve this and getting cranky. I pull out the hose. You can’t pick him up and move him, so sometimes a little water can change his mind about a location. Not this time! I give him a little bonk on his nose as he approaches the hut. I swear he has steam coming out of his ears. He’s on a mission.

Moral of the Story?

Finally, I just dismantle and move the hut that is now pretty much destroyed. Why did I not think of this 2 hours ago? What has this angry pig headed monster of a tortoise just taught me?

Sometimes it’s just easier to remove the temptation than teach an animal not to do something.

2 Responses

  • Oh my I’m cracking up over Bump & the hut! We have a 7 year old sulcata named Franklin & I can completely see this entire scene happening at our house! They are so smart & have such big personalities Franklin knows what day we go to the grocery store he wakes up early just for his special treats! There is more truth to the story of the tortoise & the hare then people realize!

  • Our Sulcata, Ipo, is about 75 pounds and has been having tantrums for the first time this year. Our gas grill was the first object of his ire. Back in January, we would come back from work to find it pushed around the yard. We figured he was just headed somewhere and it got in his way. Nope! This spring, after I transformed the gas grill (not working) into a planter as part of my backyard vegetable garden, Ipo attacked again, overturning it, as well as a bunch of terra cotta pots, most of which he broke. I started cleaning up, but then he came back again, ramming the wreckage. I yelled to divert him, and my dog wanted to help, then Ipo attacked the dog, who ran in through the dog door. Ipo then attacked a wagon, pushing up against a bench…

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